To love this person unseen is what I thought could be the best for me.
To let this person love another person despite the pain was okay.
For me, knowing that, that another person is jealous of me;
Made me believed that this person loves me more than how much this person loves her.”
Years had passed. Unexpectedly, up to present this still exist. This feeling that almost killed me a thousand times; yet, the pain it causes me is what I could label “a love amidst all negative odds-yet feels precise”.
Am I to be considered as the dimmest person alive? No. I am not. But can someone actually explain how you could stay away from the feeling, if you’ve almost felt this person was the one I would consider as my perfect match ever?
Too sweet; Unexplainable heed; superficial. Totting up few of the disconcerting facade this person has-that made me undoubtedly fell for this person so much. Which I presume this is what also causes me now to miss this person damn much. This too much that made me realized: it is iniquitous enough. This too much that I thought it was this person’s intention to be hushed for some time/s-for me to probably miss him/her this much. But I guess it was only reverie which I thought a normal thing to deal and live with.
“I miss you” “I love you” Uttered out of the blue. I have fallen for that deeply.
“Sorry I wasn’t able to text you. I’ve just got my phone loaded” explained without me asking. Shit. That made me freaked out. Goosebumps. Butterflies in my tummy. Seem so real. Feels-like-almost a “mutual understanding (eew. I know)”. Yet, again after a few seconds, followed by minutes, hours, days-again this person disappeared. Thought, just busy? Broke phone, or ran out of load-but this is impossible. And sad to speak, neither any of these, my positive instinct worked.
Up to now, even a single word-there’s nothing. Do I really have to forget this bullshit feeling already? This immense feeling; I tried the ninth time for this person to sense and believe. Thus far, I still failed. Or maybe this person just doesn’t want to really entertain it. Perhaps, nor the term “no strings attached” is not exactly would define us-only nothing but a “flirtatious affair” is what between us. Perchance I should never expect, at least once I would be able to say we’ve already met halfway of my fairytale.